I have demons in me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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