he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize