I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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