I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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