She's JV to your varsity
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
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"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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