I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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