I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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