Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
