He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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