first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize