it's too hot outside to masturbate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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