OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what day is it and did you see me today?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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