im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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