I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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