Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think i have herpe
just one?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
not ubering you a puppy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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