Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize