She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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