I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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