where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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