i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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