The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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