I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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