Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize