mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You have to summon your inner elephant
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize