Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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