She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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