I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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