Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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