I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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