I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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