Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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