Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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