omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
