I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize