remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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