Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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