Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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