He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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