his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize