His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
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Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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