She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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