She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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