Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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