he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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