When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize