i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize