just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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