Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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