I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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