Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
3 2 1 whiskey
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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